You can't break what's already broken
by Wolf-lover-girl
Summary: Set after a Town Called Mercy. Amy confronts the Doctor about his near-shooting of Jex, and lots of Eleven/Amy feels commence. (Non-sexual, don't get your hopes up like that. One-Shot.)


_**So I haven't wrote a fanfic in a while now, and all of my Doctor Who ones are generally happy (well, as happy as Who allows) so I thought it was ANGST TIME.**_

_**This is set after a Town Called Mercy, and is basically a lot of feels between Amy and the Doctor. **_

_**Hope you enjoy! Reviews's are like getting paid to me, so if you have the time, I'd love you more than the Doctor loves his fez if you dropped me one!**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Doctor Who, screw you BBC.**_

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"I'm going to bed."

Rory's announcement broke the silence between the trio, startling the Doctor from his all-consuming thoughts. He looked over at him, cheerful smile on his face, hiding the emotions behind. A mask of cheerfulness, one he was all too familiar with. One he wore far too frequently for his liking.

"You know where your room is," He nodded in the direction of the bedroom (now bunk bed less, to his extreme sadness) before busying himself with fiddling with some of the controls. The beauty of the TARDIS console, was that no-one ever knew what he was doing (sometimes even himself.) Like right now. They probably thought he was setting co-ordinates, or doing some _Time Lord joo joo_ as Amy called it, but the reality was, he was attempting to distract himself. Attempting to pretend he didn't notice Amy looking at him, pretending he didn't notice the furrowed brow, soul-searching eyes gazing at him, almost pleading him to turn around.

"You coming?" Rory called to Amy, who looked up at him, fiery locks swirling around the nape of her neck as she shook her head.

"I'm gonna stay up for a bit." She said quietly, eyes meeting his, hazel irises locking onto his crystalline ones. One look was all they needed. All the words that needed to be spoken were exchanged in that one glance. He nodded, heading up the stairs, leaving Amy and the Doctor alone.

The silence stretched for a while between them, unspoken words lingering in the air. But he was determined not to speak the first word. Not to be the breaker of the silence. His jaw trembled a little as he pulled at a lever, which the use of he had no idea. But he had to keep himself preoccupied. Stop the thoughts of what he had been so close to doing in Mercy. The feel of the weapon in his hands, his fingers unclicking the safety, it all felt far too real again, the memories far too strong. The look in Amy's eyes at their hissed argument, the fact she looked as if she was _scared of him._

Finally the silence got far too long for him to bear, plus, Amy was Scottish, she was stubborn, so he spoke, his voice neutral, giving nothing away, "You should be getting to bed too Pond. Rory's probably got himself lost." He attempted to lighten up the mood with a light stab at humour, a small flicker of a smile on his lips, but he couldn't hold it for too long, before it faded.

She ignored his words, probably for the best, striding forward and leaning back against the control unit, eyeing him cautiously before speaking. "Is there something you want to tell me?" She asked, Scottish accent punctuating each word.

He stared at her for a second, slowly shaking his head, lips quirking upwards in another attempt at a smile. "Not that I know of," He replied carefully, turning away from her to push another button, twiddle another dial.

"Doctor." She said sternly, sounding more like the mother-in-law title she was so loathing to take, something which drew a genuine chuckle from his lips.

"Amy." He replied in equally a stern tone, gently mocking her Scottish accent. He tapped her nose as he twirled past her, tapping a few times on the screen hanging from the ceiling.

"You know what this is about." She said quietly, placing a hand over his own, stopping his frantic tapping. This physical contact was enough to make him falter, for a flash of some indistinguishable emotion in those haunted green orbs that contrasted so greatly to his pale features. He inhaled sharply before pulling away, taking a step back.

"It was nothing. Just...I lost myself for a second. That's all." His hands ran through his hair, ruffling the fluffy locks. She didn't believe him for a second, and he knew she never would. She knew him far too well for his own liking.

"Just answer one question." She pleaded, taking another step forward. It was her turn to falter as he flinched, shying away an inch from her. This rejection, although little as it was, felt as though he had physically struck her. Was this how he had felt in Demon's Run? When she had moved away from his attempted comforting? She sucked in air through her teeth, before pushing aside the storm of emotions. "Would you have shot him?"

He gazed at her again, chest heaving with every breath as he struggled to answer the question. Normally, it was a struggle for people to get him to be quiet. But this question was one he couldn't answer, couldn't begin to _try _to. What had he thought when he had aimed it in Jex's direction? Had he intended on shooting him?

_You wouldn't._

_I genuinely don't know._

He looked up at her again, his resemblance to a kicked puppy make her chew her lower lip, unable to meet the gaze with so much hidden sorrow, so much hidden grief and guilt that was gradually beginning to bleed through his self-built shield. "I don't know," He whispered, his voice breaking as he spoke, "I don't know Amy. And that makes it worse." He turned away again for a second, digging his teeth into his knuckles hard enough to pierce skin and draw blood to stop the trembling.

He felt her hand on his arm again and turned, unwanting to have to meet her eyes, but the second he turned, her arms snaked around his waist, pulling him into a tight hug. He hesitated for a second, arms by his side, before they slowly rose to wrap around her, pressing his face into her shoulder, drinking in her wholesomeness, her humanity, her _goodness. _What he could never have. He was too bitter, too angry, too broken. She was everything he wanted to be, everything he was, before the Time War. Before his world collapsed in on itself.

"It's okay," She whispered, hands gripping the hair decorating the back of his skull gently, "It's going to be okay, do you hear me?" He nodded into her embrace, squeezing her gently as he pulled back, pressing his forehead against hers, a gesture of comfort and reassurance.

"Of course it will be," He murmured, half-smile raising his lips, "I'm the Doctor." He took a step back then, flicking her on the noise. In that instant, it was as if every worry in the room had dissolved, as if the exchange hadn't happened. He had an uncanny knack for doing that on a regular basis. "Now, get to bed, Pond. Rory and I will be the ones having to deal with you being crankier than usual in the morning." He teased, earning him a slap on his arm, more out of amusement than malice.

"Night Doctor," She called over her shoulder as she ascended the stairs, glancing back at him. He nodded up at her, giving her the tiniest of winks. "Good night Amelia."

With that, she left the room to go find Rory, leaving him once again with his thoughts. There was a sudden whirring noise which made him laugh, eyes brightening immediately as he placed a hand against the console lovingly. He wasn't alone. When the Ponds left, to live their normal, human lives, he would still have her. Tough, dependable Sexy.

And somehow that made everything just a little better.


End file.
